About Contact Blog Services Podcast

Nurturing Fondness and Admiration for Each Other

Nurturing Fondness and Admiration

Gottman’s 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work – Principle #2

Do you remember what you first admired about your partner?
The little things that made you smile, feel grateful, and fall in love?

In this episode, Lisa Kneller continues her series on John Gottman’s 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by exploring Principle #2: Nurturing Fondness and Admiration. This principle is essential for long-lasting love, especially in midlife marriages where stress, responsibility, and familiarity can quietly replace appreciation.

Lisa shares why fondness and admiration matter so deeply, how they protect your relationship from contempt, and how small, intentional shifts in how you see and speak about your partner can restore warmth, safety, and connection.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • Why fondness and admiration are the antidote to contempt, the most destructive force in marriage

  • How criticism and irritation slowly replace appreciation when life gets busy

  • Why being intentional about how you see your partner is a powerful act of leadership in your marriage

  • The importance of your internal dialogue, and how your thoughts shape your experience of your relationship

  • Gottman’s 5:1 ratio, and why strong marriages maintain far more positive than negative interactions

5 Ways to Rebuild Fondness and Admiration

Lisa offers five practical, compassionate ways to begin shifting your perspective and reawakening appreciation:

  1. Remember the story of “us.”
    Revisit how you met, what drew you together, and the memories that shaped your bond.

  2. Practice daily appreciation.
    Say one thing out loud every day that you appreciate about your partner.

  3. Choose gratitude over grievance.
    When your mind scans for what’s wrong, pause and intentionally name what’s right.

  4. Speak your admiration.
    Don’t assume your partner knows. Let your words bring warmth back into the relationship.

  5. Watch your internal dialogue.
    The story you tell yourself about your partner becomes the lens through which you experience them.

Lisa also shares a powerful real-life story about how changing one internal story transformed a potentially tense holiday moment into a peaceful, joyful experience.

A Key Insight to Remember

Strong marriages don’t avoid conflict, but they soften it with kindness.

When admiration flows:

  • Emotional safety increases

  • Conflict feels less threatening

  • Love doesn’t just survive, it expands

You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be intentional.

Reflection Question

This week, ask yourself:

What is one thing my partner does that I often overlook, but truly appreciate?

Then, say it out loud.

Resources & Support

If this episode resonated with you and you’d like more support in creating a connected, intentional marriage, explore these resources:

Coming Up Next

Don’t miss the next episode in this series:
Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away, where Lisa explores how small moments of connection build lasting love over time.

Until then, I send my love and encouragement for creating a marriage and relationship that brings you joy, comfort, and peace.
Thank you for listening, and have a beautiful day.